Following through

 “I don't think I'd like younger me very much.” These are words I've heard more than once in the last week from one of my children when I've recalled an interaction with them from years and years ago. But everyone changes.

When I look back on when my Littles were littler I have nothing but love for them. They were clever. They were feisty. They were playful. They also saw things from a very specific perspective. White was absolutely white, black was absolutely black. Except when they were trying to talk their way out of doing something, then it was amazing how the perception or reality could bend to suit their desires.

They were completely and wholly loved as they were then. They are completely and wholly loved as they are now. And in every moment in the in-between.

As I was in the midst of some intense parenting with one of the teens in the house recently, I had a flashback to when they were about 5 or 6. They had done or hadn't done something, and there were consequences for that. I don't recall what the details were anymore, I don't think they really matter at this stage. The memory was of a little angry voice telling me that I didn't have to follow through with the consequence, I wanted to. There was no one making me follow through except myself. And they were right, I was the one choosing to follow through.

But at the same time I didn't feel I had a choice. If I didn't hold myself to what I said I'd do, the child would learn that it didn't matter if they listened or not; there were no hard consequences to their choices. And frankly, I love my child too much to let them live consequence-free. Life doesn't work that way; there are always consequences – both good and bad- and they wouldn't grow into the best adult they could be unless they learned that lesson.

Always follow through. There will be times it feels like too much struggle, and there will be times when a check-in is needed; are you overreacting or is this really a battle to fight to the death; but more often than not, what the child needs the most is knowing where that boundary is and that someone loves them enough to hold that line firmly because firm boundaries feel safe and secure.

So yes, no one was making me follow through with consequence of the child's actions. There was no one for me to answer to if I let it slide. Except myself, my spouse, and the future version of that child; the one that knows that actions have reactions, the one that knows we love them enough to give form expectations with consequences, the one that is aware that their actions affect people around them. The amazing adult child they are growing into will be thankful we love them so much.