I want to talk about authenticity for a moment. As children we learn the nuances of how to interact and be with people and so learn what behaviours are desirable and acceptable, and which ones make others want to stay away. When we learn that being part of a group and included feels nice, we tend to show those parts of ourselves that won't raise any red flags, the “you” others want to see and take into the group.
In our very young youth we learn to wear a mask for public, the one that keeps us from getting into possible trouble, the one that helps us get and keep friends. In our older youth this mask helps secure a place of belonging in social settings and keeps you from being an outsider. In young adulthood that mask starts to slip a little bit as we age and realize that everyone else is also wearing a mask and the quest starts to find “our people,” the safe spaces where the mask isn't needed.
There is something magical when you are able to live without the mask; being who you are without worry of what people will think of you, being vulnerable with those you trust; presenting your thoughts and your feelings, how you make decisions, asking for help when you need it.
Personalities are complicated; no one is one-dimensional, everyone has likes and dislikes, and people often see what they are looking for. I remember once hearing (or maybe reading) that there are as many versions of you as the people you meet. Every person you talk with has a different image of who you are, no matter how you present yourself. The way we become authentic is that we simply be who we are, regardless of fear of fitting in, and how people choose to interpret you is on them.
I am an introvert who enjoys people. When I meet people it can take a while for them to wholly get to know me, and it isn't that I'm hiding myself; I'm just not a terribly chatty person overall. I'm sure there are as many versions of who I am as there are people I meet. But I also would like to think I am getting better at portraying a single version of myself that doesn't get too skewed with who I am not.
The important thing to keep in mind (I feel) when looking at being authentic at all times is to reflect on the you who you are currently, the you who you were, and the you that you hope to be. Trying to project yourself into the you that you hope to become is not authenticity- it isn't who you are. Are you the same person in private as you are in public? Can people see what your values are without you shouting it at them? How do you talk to children? How do you talk to the elderly? How do you respond to those working in the service industry when you're out and about? Do your thoughts reflect your actions and vice versa
I would love to see everyone able to be authentic in all of their interactions. I know that is based on the assumption that people are mostly good (I am 100% an optimist), but I suspect that if everyone feels safe in who they are then there really would be fewer interpersonal issues, fewer miscommunications, and a higher sense of relational satisfaction.
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