Hold On Tight!

 I love Backyardigans. Throw back to when my Littles were very little and we would have the DVD's on repeat some days, the songs would get stuck in my head and even now they'll pop in unexpectedly and stay there for hours.

This last week there have been a couple of those songs that have found their way to being sung under my breath from a couple of different episodes, and they have a deeper meaning when taken away from the context of back yard imaginations.

“Into the thick of it!” from the many Tarzans; they get lost in the jungle following the explorer trying to find Sherman the Worman's home and they discover they've been travelling in circles. This week, when I have found myself in the thick of parenting, and the high emotions, and the re-stating expectations, and all of the things this refrain keeps playing. Complete with the “ugh” for punctuation which provides me with a chuckle. 10/10 helps prevent some dysregulation!

When wading into the thick of teen and pre-teen parenting with the added flavour of a move and the transition into new schools and circles of friends, it's been important to keep perspective on the long term. All behaviour is communication and that includes all age groups, and where we have chosen to keep in our focus is on the value of the long term relationship. It's okay to disagree, it's okay to just itch for a fight and be pissy. It isn't okay to make your own feelings someone else's problem or responsibility, and the health of the friendship needs to be prioritized. Especially when looking at family relationships, the friendship has to be a priority. There have been times when the kids have been at each other for what feels like nonstop weeks and it is so draining on everyone. I am always so grateful when the conversations and teaching seems to get through and they start laughing with each other again.

There was a notable conflict about a month ago, complicated because it was more than one conflict and more than one grouping of children were involved, and everything seemed to overlap with everything else.  I was driving and intentionally stopped talking while the two who were in the vehicle with me worked on their communication.  Feelings statements, responding instead of reacting, rephrasing the conversation to make sure they understood clearly; it made my heart so proud! Twenty minutes later they were at it again about something else, but it was a glimmer that the effort has been worth it.  They are good friends.  Even in the thick of it, it's possible to see a path and find your way out of it. 

Another song from the amazing children's animated show that has been on repeat for me is “hold on tight!” from when the Vikings trying to get out of a whirlpool. “we can't freak out, we gotta be cool till we get out of this whirpool!” Some days/weeks just seem to pass like a blur, there are so many things we can't control. Sometimes all we can do is hold on and wait for it all to pass. The only way out is through and some days the best part of the day is when you climb into bed and close your eyes. This is for adults and for children. With the move and the transition to finding a new normal for us here it's been important for all of us to keep perspective of the bigger picture. Life can be difficult and draining, but life doesn't stop. If the best part of the kids' days is coming home and decomping the day's events, then that's fine. Some days the best part is going to bed. And that's okay.

Last week I had a conversation with one of my Littles and they were expressing feelings of overwhelm and just wanting to go backwards, back to before our move. I can remember having those exact feelings when I was of a similar age; I have the benefit of being able to look back and see that I wouldn't be the who I am now if not for the many experiences moving around I had when I was younger. I know this growing is painful, all growing is, but I see how much they all are growing and the experiences they are able to have with the moving that they otherwise wouldn't be able to have.  And so we all need to hold on tight until we're on the other side of all of this; whether that's being on the other side of the transition or the other side of this posting.  Hold on tight with all our Viking might!