I want to talk about unplugging. I feel compelled to talk about unplugging. This is something I intentionally do, at times with greater success than others, and I always feel better for it. I am more present with who I am with, I am giving myself the opportunity to be present in a practice of mindfulness, I am disconnecting from sensory overload and an overabundance of information at my fingertips.
Over the last week, it has been made clear to me that I have failed to enforce this practice in my children as much as I ought to have. I know that children and screens are a horrible combination. I know that unrestricted access to our friends at all times is not healthy for tweens and teens. They don't know how to create their own boundaries yet, they haven't realized that they probably need to. Largely this is something we have talked about with our kids, and we have enforced tech-free time, but sometimes we need to do the thing and be more strict about it.
There are links between anxiety and accessibility. There are ties between doom scrolling and episodes of disassociation. There is a drop in genuine interpersonal relationships with the rise of influencers and ridiculous trending dances. The technology is a handy tool, as long as it is feeding the soul and making long distances feel smaller; there ought to be a warning label on these things, though. “Caution: May cause Anxiety.” “Warning: Desire to live an involved life will diminish and fade with overuse.”
With the constant ping of notifications and the steady stream of information and stimulation, the senses become overwhelmed; when that happens we get dysregulation and dysfunction of our processing capabilities. Again, I'm not saying technology is bad; it needs to be respected and treated carefully so that perspective can be kept on what is real and what isn't. Drama created by your friends from school over the weekend text chat is less real than the physical interaction you have with your family and/or friends in person.
In 2018 a film came out called “Ready Player One” based on a book with the same title written by Ernest Cline. I haven't read the book, I would like to one day, but the movie was really well done I thought. Aside from just being fun to watch, the commentary on living a life in the real world instead of living an online life was genuinely thought-provoking; it's important to live your real life with real people, not just for the friendships and support that can be found online in some communities.
It's important as parents to lay down tech rules and boundaries and then follow through with them. And the follow-through is probably the most difficult but most essential part of the whole exercise. When a boundary is enforced it becomes a habit. If a child tests those boundaries (and in our home, we encourage them to push back a little bit- it's important for them to feel empowered to speak if they feel strongly enough) you can let that dialogue happen and readjust if you feel you should; but make them work for it. Giving in just because you don't want to fight only tells the children that they are stronger than you and you don't mean what you say.
Parenting is tricky. Teaching and forming future generations isn't for the faint-hearted, and I suspect that our own reserves will run low less often if we unplug ourselves and be intentional with the little (or not-so-little in my case) humans we surround ourselves with. When is the last time you put your phone down, ignored the buzzing, and had a real talk with your child or your partner? Unless we are intentional and mindful it won't happen. And if it doesn't happen and we find our families walking on eggshells because no one is in control of their emotions... well, it's never too late to start.
