Gentle Parenting

 The key word in the term “Gentle Parenting” is too often confused. People look at the phrase and think of passive parenting. Or enabling parenting.

The word “gentle” is too often mistaken for something that it isn't. Gentle isn't always soft. Gentle isn't often passive. It's guiding and directing in a way that leaves space, but it also can be firm.

The word parenting comes with a lot of baggage too. It isn't a task for the faint of heart. There will be a lot of times when the “bad guy” will be you because you need to be firm.

In my opinion, the keyword in the phrase “Gentle Parenting” is “Parenting.” The key to gentle parenting is to create a safe space for children to feel their feelings, but also learn the best way to show or talk about them. It is having firm, realistic boundaries and expectations for children to live and grow in that will allow them well-rounded growth and healthy communication skills.

Sometimes it means following through on tough consequences when they overstep and test those boundaries. Sometimes it means listening to the child's perspective and realizing our own upbringing has crept into our parenting and the path we are on isn't the one we wanted for our children. Sometimes it is saying no to something because that's the lesson they need. Sometimes it's apologizing for our own dysregulation and loss of temper.

Gentle parenting is authoritative parenting. Like it or not, you are the parent and that doesn't change. There are tough calls every day, no matter what age your child is, that you have to make. If you're lucky, you get to make those with a supportive partner who is on the same as you. Support is crucial, and having that support is like finding water; it keeps you refreshed and sustained.

Whether you're new to parenting or a seasoned veteran, parenting is tough. The good news is that there are people around who can and want to help you through it. Help is waiting right here for you.

Checking In

 Checking in is important. What was working out really well before may not be still. The goals you were working towards might have become less important and something else has taken their place. The once-shared values you might have had with your partner may no longer be shared as you each move and grow, sometimes at different rates and directions.

The way we fill our lives changes with the passage of time. The ages and stages of ourselves, those we love, and those we interact with on a daily basis all feed into how we live our lives. Checking in is incredibly important.

Checking in is important. Having a weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly pause in the day-to-day to allow honest reflection and feedback. Having a framework to evaluate your whole life, all aspects of it, and see where one may be taking space away from another. There will almost always be one part of your life encroaching on other parts.

Part of talking through a check-in is listening to the feedback. If there is only talk but no hearing what is being said, there is little point in having the conversation at all, even when that conversation is with yourself.

Talking about the present, the things that have worked well in the past, and things that may work better in the future is a practice I recommend for everyone. It keeps communication strong, it helps realign personal and family goals, it aids in maintaining a vehicle for concerns to be shared between people.

Checking in also keeps us humble. When we stop and honestly let ourselves look at our lives, we are able to see the parts we're proud of, but also the less-than-pleasant parts that creep in. Then we can do what we can to make the changes necessary to make the self we want to be congruent with the one we are.